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E3 2005 Preview - 05/10/05 - Staff There are few things on Fail Math we can consider traditions: making fun of John Romero, making fun of American McGee, actively refusing to update. Picking out the worst of the worst of the announced E3 titles is not one of them, but we're doing it again anyway. Gleaned from the master list of games which have been confirmed to appear at this year's Electronic Entertainment Expo, once again we delve into the worst and most misguided names, none of which we will be buying come Christmas. Will you? (No.) Captain Blood (Xbox, PC) Title lameness rating: Retired Andrew: This one is making it onto our list by dint of topping off our E3 2004 preview. Sidney: Soon after I posted the article last year I learned that Captain Blood is a game about pirates, which makes the name a little less lame in retrospect. Andrew: Doesn't that actually make it more lame? Sidney: You know what, you're right. Pretty much any vaguely menacing compound word can make a good pirate name. It's like the developers sat down to their brainstorming session and when trying to come up with the name of the villain they sat in stony silence for 5 minutes before someone haltingly said "Captain Blood... blood." Then they shortened it to one syllable and moved on to making the rest of the game equally worthless. Yetisports Deluxe (PC) Title lameness rating: 3 Sidney: Jesus, is this what I think it is? Andrew: To be fair, it's not every shitty flash game that can make the jump from diversion for bored white collar slobs to full retail product. Sidney: The worst part is the "Deluxe" which indicates there was already a Yetisports game that did well enough to warrant another one. If there's a "Game of the Year Edition" I will kill myself. HUGO Bukkazoom! (GBA) Title lameness rating: 2 Sidney: I am pretty sure this is just another dumb Japanese game, but I will grant that it's a pretty lame title, even by their standards. Andrew: There must be some art form to the bizarre Japanese game name, since the words have to be unrelated and yet somehow vaguely reasonable. Like, uh, "Syndicate Battle Illusion." Sidney: "Formulator: Blast of the Tertiary." Andrew: I think you won. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (DS) Title lameness rating: 2 Sidney: Do you think this might be some Broussardesque "clever name" where, I don't know, "Wright" means that he's always right and his clients always win. Andrew: I don't know, this title isn't all that bad. Sidney: Hey man, you want to make the list next time? It was either this or "Raiders of the Lost Casino". I stand by my choice. Trauma Center: Under the Knife (DS) Title lameness rating: 2 Andrew: I am pretty much positive that there is a zero percent chance of the game actually involving you going under the knife. Sidney: Long ago I used to play a game where you had to perform brain surgery on patients. I would usually just drill a hole in the wrong side of their skull and then when the nurses shrieked at me I would explain that there was an undiagnosed but far more malignant tumor over there. Sadly the game wasn't advanced enough to handle this situation so it would just tell me I lost. Andrew: I doubt this game will recapture the magic if that is what you are wondering. Page 1 || Page 2 || Page 3